Silvanus' Blog

Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

When I got to work this morning I was greeted by this cute little family of ducks.

So one of the guys at work sent me this. This pretty much just sums it all up, no actual words necessary.

Microsoft has for years produced ‘web-design’ software. Initially this software was produced under the name of Frontpage, now it is called Expression Web, or Sharepoint Designer.

First off, when something specifically requires your software to function correctly, it is no longer specifically ‘web-design’ software. It becomes something else, it should be called Frontpage Designer. They have now fixed this error of naming in the new version of their software, Sharepoint Designer.

The problem comes with the fact that Microsoft sells this product without correctly informing their customers how it functions. For example, in order to use 50% of the functions of Frontpage, it requires that the webhost have FPSE (Frontpage Server Extensions). FPSE is the crappiest ‘tool’ ever created by man. It causes more issues than any other thing I have ever encountered.

Problems with FPSE

1. They are not cross-browser compliant. i.e. You build this fancy site in Frontpage, it looks beautiful, you spent HOURS making it. You go to your in-laws to show it off, they have a Macintosh that runs Firefox as their web-browser, NOT Internet Explorer. You have them browse to your site, and… it looks like total trash, like a 3 year old did it (although that is insulting to many talented 3 year olds), the navigation doesn’t work properly, elements are skewed all over the page. Frankly, it makes you look unprofessional, and in my opinion, like you ride the short-bus.
2. Even Microsoft no longer supports the things, they stopped supporting it a while ago. The last set of extensions is technically FPSE 2002. They even released another version of Frontpage (2003) and did not update them.
3. Linux hosting environments are forced to install them in order to get clientèle. So many mentally challenged individuals, that just HAVE to have a website, use Frontpage. These people are also cheap, they use the program that came bundled with their crappy prefabbed computer made by Dell/Compaq/Buttnuck Computer Specialists. So, they want cheap hosting. Well, cheap hosting pretty much only comes in the Linux variety (because MS has ass-raping licensing fees).  So we get stuck with the specially educated FP users.

I am so sick and tired of these idiots blaming all of their Frontpage woes on us.  Frontpage is a piece of crap software, designed for mental-midgets.  If you want to have a website on the internet, hire a designer, or get off of your lazy ass and learn how to actually build the site without using shite software.

Granted I use a wysiwyg (Dreamweaver), but I know how to do HTML myself.  I also know enough to be dangerous when it  comes to PHP, actionscript, and CSS.  But also, Dreamweaver doesn’t fuck up my code like Frontpage does.  The only reason I even have experience with Frontpage, is because Satan’s Web Design Sweatshop (a.k.a. h3r!tage web design (name concealed so I don’t boost their already grossly inflated search engine ranking)) made me do it.  After the mental trauma caused to me as a result of being tortured with this supposed ‘web editor’, I quit.  I should have sued them, and made them pay for mental therapy for the trauma they caused me (honestly, that job was AWFUL!!!).

Anyway, the motto of this story is:

If you are so retarded you need Frontpage to build your site, then you don’t really need/deserve a website, and please please for the LOVE OF GOD don’t inflict your thimble collection or whatever crap you’re peddling on the rest of us… idjit.

So, just like any webhost out there, our servers occasionally have issues. It’s a computer, it’s designed to fuck up, royally, and one day flush everything important in your life down the toilet, so BACK IT UP!

Regardless, these people have this idiotically concieved notion that we are ripping them off because their site went down for a total of 12 hours.

“OH MY GOD, MY BUSINESS HAS LOST 1000’s OF DOLLARS BECAUSE OF YOUR SERVER BEING DOWN!!!”

Really Jenius, if your site makes thousands in just a few hours, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON SHARED HOSTING??? douchebag.

What these morons fail to realize is at the grandiose fee of $95.40 a year, one day’s hosting equates out to exactly 26 cents. Even if your site went down for an entire day, you truly only lost 26 cents, Jerk! Most of the time, your website is down for a whopping 12-14 hours, which is equivalent to 13 cents. Sure we’ll credit you for your lost hosting, NOT.

We offer excellent support at dirt cheap prices. Personally, I’m still not sure how we do it and stay in business. I think it’s because only 2% of our customer’s ever actually call us, because the rest have learned to use the brains that God gave them! I would like to see anyone get 1/2 the service that we offer at our price. Not to mention, we’re American. If you want an inexpensive host that can speak English clearly, not outsourced support, we’re pretty much it from what I hear.

What it boils down to, you freaking primates, is you get what you pay for. In the case of my company, you get WAY FREAKING MORE than you pay for, and you should be grateful!!

Now, not all of our customer’s are so cranial-rectal bonded, but they sure are the one’s who seem to stick out the most. A large number of my customers that I speak to are decent, patient individuals. Unfortunately, they are what I consider to be a ‘break’ call, in between the complete and total retards.

I am still of the official opinion that computer’s should require some kind of ‘entrance’ exam. If you can’t power the thing up, why are you spending several hundred, if not thousands of dollars on it. Then you come to us and bitch about your lost 26 cents.

’nuff said.