Archive for December, 2003

What’s The Point?

Sort of lost and confused right now. Went to work today, got in no problem, started work like normal. Busted ass for about an hour.
Then I get pulled into the back room by my boss. I get told how I basically just slack all the time (not true) and how he essentially doesn’t want me there anymore. He pulls out this stack of write-ups for the most trivial ass stupid shit. Then tells me that if I even sneeze wrong he’ll fire me, now that he’s got the documentation.
I thought I was on good terms with my co-workers, but that is apparently not the case. They decided to be two-faced pieces of shit and tell him all sorts of shit. Some true, a lot false. I toe up for the shit that’s true, what pisses me off is the lies. I greatly dislike being called a liar. I hate people I can’t trust. I’m done, I’m sick of making new friends, all that ends up happening is you get a knife in the back. I never did anything wrong to anyone there _ever_, and that’s how I get treated. Well I guess they’ll all be happy when they get someone just as nazi as Paul in there for their new assistant manager. And I am done being a manager. I will never accept a management position again, there is entirely too much drama. Besides, I’m pretty sure there aren’t ‘managers’ per se in the special fx business. I know I’ll be working for someone, I also know they won’t be anal-retentive assholes like Paul, and if they are, well I can always go find another job.
Anyway, I’ve already applied at two different places that are hiring. Both pay better than Spencer’s so no biggie, I just need to start in the next week or so, or I am massively screwed for car payment and insurance. Not really looking too forward to doing temp work to cover, just want to start a new job asap. Thankfully I still have a part-time job, I just need to find something to make up the difference. On a positive note, one of the jobs I applied for has Graveyards available. Since I’m pretty much a night person anyway this is great, I can get paid to stay up all night like I do anyway. And I don’t have to lose sleep over it.
Anyway, hopefully things will work out.
Cuz I really don’t want to swing but I don’t think I can take much more.

Goddamnit Eris

My life is a complete and total point of confusion.
Arrgh! I just want some freaking stability. Once I get to a point where I’m getting things under control there is a kink in the works, grrr. I wanna smash my brain and make it quit thinking the thoughts it does. I want calmness, not discord. Everything should be smooth, not all jacked up like it is.
I want to take my heart out, I don’t want to feel anymore. It just creates problems I have no way of possibly solving.
Anyway, as usual my entries are at the behest of my tormented psyche. STOP IT BRAIN, OR I’LL STAB YOU WITH A Q-TIP!!

Freak… Out.