Archive for the ‘LiveJournal Archive’ Category
Meander
So just sitting here thinking about life in general. I keep trying to figure out why I feel so apathetic all the time. In all reality things are pretty good for me. I have good friends, my life is pretty comfortable. I really don’t have much to complain about, but I manage to find a way to do it anyway. I didn’t use to be like this, and I would like to go back to how I was pre-Zoe. I’m hoping the changes I’m planning on making over the next little while will be effective in returning me to that state. I’m planning on doing daily meditations again, getting my head reorganized.
I realize that a lot of my behavior and thought for the negativity in my life was created during the time Zoe and I dated. We both made a mistake and stayed together much longer than we should have. Her thought and behavior patterns were very negative. As a result of spending so much time with her I absorbed a lot of that outlook.
My daily practices were much different than they are now as well. I figure if I get myself back to my previous lifestyle, my attitude will change accordingly. Unfortunately I work a lot, so I can’t quite get 100% back to the way things were, but i can return a healthy portion of my habits. Unfortunately, this probably means I won’t be available for chat quite as much as I have been. That won’t be too bad though, anybody will still be able to contact me through e-mail and my forum, and I’ll be chatting a little.
So hopefully this little plan of mine will work, then I can stop being so damned whiny and get on with my life. Wish me luck. You’ll know it’s working when i stop posting whiny crap like i have been since i started this journal 🙂
I also wanted to just say thanks to everybody that’s been there for me, especially when I’m being an incessant whiner. I know it gets annoying to have to hear about petty little problems all the time, so thanks for listening even when it was irritating 🙂 It hurts me to know that when I leave here to move to California I will be leaving you all behind. I love all of my friends and I am going to miss them very much. I know I’ll make new friends, but I doubt I’ll ever find anyone like the friends I already have. I’ll try not to lose you along the way, as long as you do the same 🙂
7332
sinking slowly into myself
darkness consuming my thought
despair chewing a hollow inside
wishing, waiting, for the end
my heart is heavy
Ma’at consume me
What’s The Point?
Sort of lost and confused right now. Went to work today, got in no problem, started work like normal. Busted ass for about an hour.
Then I get pulled into the back room by my boss. I get told how I basically just slack all the time (not true) and how he essentially doesn’t want me there anymore. He pulls out this stack of write-ups for the most trivial ass stupid shit. Then tells me that if I even sneeze wrong he’ll fire me, now that he’s got the documentation.
I thought I was on good terms with my co-workers, but that is apparently not the case. They decided to be two-faced pieces of shit and tell him all sorts of shit. Some true, a lot false. I toe up for the shit that’s true, what pisses me off is the lies. I greatly dislike being called a liar. I hate people I can’t trust. I’m done, I’m sick of making new friends, all that ends up happening is you get a knife in the back. I never did anything wrong to anyone there _ever_, and that’s how I get treated. Well I guess they’ll all be happy when they get someone just as nazi as Paul in there for their new assistant manager. And I am done being a manager. I will never accept a management position again, there is entirely too much drama. Besides, I’m pretty sure there aren’t ‘managers’ per se in the special fx business. I know I’ll be working for someone, I also know they won’t be anal-retentive assholes like Paul, and if they are, well I can always go find another job.
Anyway, I’ve already applied at two different places that are hiring. Both pay better than Spencer’s so no biggie, I just need to start in the next week or so, or I am massively screwed for car payment and insurance. Not really looking too forward to doing temp work to cover, just want to start a new job asap. Thankfully I still have a part-time job, I just need to find something to make up the difference. On a positive note, one of the jobs I applied for has Graveyards available. Since I’m pretty much a night person anyway this is great, I can get paid to stay up all night like I do anyway. And I don’t have to lose sleep over it.
Anyway, hopefully things will work out.
Cuz I really don’t want to swing but I don’t think I can take much more.